


Club Knocked Up

by Nabatean_Nan



Series: Setleth Modern AU [4]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Byleth is a little poop head, Gen, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Scares, background Byleth & Leonie, background Seteth/Byleth, jeralt furiously googling "could my daughter be pregernant?"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22945330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nabatean_Nan/pseuds/Nabatean_Nan
Summary: Over the years, Byleth has told Jeralt that she was pregnant in many ways. Here are a few of them.
Relationships: Jeralt Reus Eisner & My Unit | Byleth
Series: Setleth Modern AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1465507
Comments: 9
Kudos: 98





	Club Knocked Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is meant to be fun and light-hearted. It started as a joke to myself because whenever my mom asks what's new I tell her that I'm pregnant, so my theory is if I ever am she won't believe me. 
> 
> Title comes from "Waitress"!!! "Waitress" and Setleth mod au just go hand in hand now.

“Look, Daddy, I’m pregnant.”

Byleth, only nine years old and not at all aware of what  _ pregnant  _ even means, has a pillow shoved under her shirt. It’s obtuse, very square, and doesn’t at all resemble a distorted pregnancy bellow. She strokes her pillow belly gently, likely mimicking what she’s seen of expectant mothers around town or at the church. 

“Well damn,” Jeralt mumbles, “Sitri, love, come ‘ere. By’s having a baby.”

Sitri, bless her heart, comes in from the living room and gasps in delight when she sees Byleth. “A baby! But you’re my baby!”

Byleth shakes her head, holding on to her belly. Jeralt sets down the plate he was washing and walks over to his girls. 

“I’m grown, Mama,” Byleth says, in a voice that has not yet hit puberty. “It’s time for me to take on some responsibility.”

Jeralt pets her head. “Does that mean you’ll be paying rent now?”

Byleth pouts and looks up at her father. “What’s rent?”

Sitri and Jeralt laugh. They find out later that Byleth’s teacher is pregnant, which is what caused her to experiment with her own baby belly. After sitting down with her and explaining what pregnancy was, what having a baby really meant, she seemed fairly keen to let it go. Jeralt was fine with that, he wasn’t ready to be a papaw yet. 

\---

“Dad, I’m pregnant.”

Jeralt slams on the breaks. Thankfully, there’s no one else in the street. He doesn’t cause any major traffic accidents. Just his own heart attack. 

“You-- what?”

In the passenger seat, fourteen, Byleth shrugs. 

“Don’t just  _ shrug _ at me, kid, tell me you aren’t serious.”

“Fine, I’m not serious.” She says it with such a straight face, unwavering and with no flicker of mirth, that Jeralt really can’t tell if she’s joking or not. They stare at one another, still in the middle of the road, for what feels like an eternity before Byleth finally cracks a smirk. 

“Piece of shit,” Jeralt sighs as Byleth chuckles. But he’s relieved. Just like her mother, this one. Jeralt should count his blessings, really. For all her joking, Byleth is incredibly straight-laced. She just likes to give her old man heart attacks now and then. 

\---

He sees the pregnancy test on Byleth’s counter and his head swims. He doesn’t even think to check it, all he can think about is his little girl rounded with some asshole’s kid. He’ll have whoever this is mounted on his wall, that’s for sure. All Jeralt needed was a spare roll of toilet paper and instead he finds  _ this _ . This girl is going to be the end of him, one way or another. She’s only seventeen, she can’t have a baby! Jeralt didn’t even know she was seeing any men, wasn’t she dating that Dorothea girl? What the hell is going on?

The back door opens and he hears the hushed voices of two people entering the house. Should he confront her? Make some kind of scene? Did she bring a friend for support or to sneak away, or is this the boy? The boy who’s gone and touched his little girl and gotten her pregnant? For the first time since becoming a father (well, okay, the second time; the first poop would frighten anyone) Jeralt is frozen in fear with no idea of what to do. He hears the two shuffle into Byleth’s room. One of them is sniffling, but it doesn’t sound like Byleth. 

He takes a deep breath, puts on his dad pants, and knocks on her door. “By?” The room goes silent. “Can we talk?”

It takes a few moments, but Byleth sticks her head out. She looks more and more like her mother each day, he thinks. “Yeah, just a second.”

She closes the door, whispers something to the other person in her room, and then quickly slinks outside her door. She doesn’t even give Jeralt a chance to try and see who else is in there. “What’s up?”

Jeralt just holds up the pregnancy test. “What’s this?”

Byleth’s eyes widen in the approximation of shock. “It’s not mine,” she whispers. “It’s-- It’s Leonie’s. We just got back from getting more, just in case--”

He holds up a hand, then looks down at the test. One line. Oh, sweet Saint Cethleann. Here he is having a panic attack over a negative pregnancy test. The black hole in his heart lifts a little, suddenly thankful he isn’t going to become a grandfather so young. 

Leonie is a nice girl. She and Byleth butted heads for a while when they first moved to this little town, but they’re inseparable friends now. Jeralt can appreciate anyone who would make his daughter want to sneak around her father’s back to buy pregnancy tests. 

“I’m not gonna ask the story, I already heard her snifflin’,” Jeralt says. “But a test can be negative for a lot of reasons, By.”

Byleth’s face deflates. “I know that. It’s just, that one was really cheap...”

Jeralt shakes his head. “Use one of the expensive ones, then. But if she’s not far enough along, her body’s not makin’ a certain hormone, and that’s what the tests detect.” Byleth looks like she’s going to ask a question, but Jeralt just holds up a hand to stop her. “What does she need?”

The door cracks open, and Leonie’s eye peaks through. The poor thing is puffy and red, tear tracks down her face. She’s just a scared girl experiencing something she doesn’t understand. Goddess, this is not how Jeralt anticipated his Sunday afternoon going. He wishes Sitri were here to deal with this with him. 

Jeralt turns his attention to her. “Need me to beat the guy up?”

Leonie bursts out of the room. “No! Don’t beat Raph up! It’s my fault, I got impatient!” She rushes forward, places an arm on Jeralt’s shoulder and nearly starts bawling again. “I just-- if my dad hears about this, he’ll beat  _ me _ up!” 

That’s all Jeralt needs to hear. The fancier test does turn out negative, but to be safe Jeralt and Byleth end up smuggling his daughter’s best friend across Gloucester territory and into Riegan territory for a blood test and some of the best ice cream in the Leceister Alliance. That ended up negative too, with the likely cause being a chemical pregnancy or just a mishap. It doesn’t matter. Everything turned out okay in the end. Leonie ended up being a mainstay in their house for a while after, not that Jeralt minded. She was a pretty cool kid; paid more attention to his kickboxing lessons than Byleth did. 

\---

At first, Jeralt doesn’t know what the picture is of. It’s grainy, black and white, and just blobs. He hasn’t seen an ultrasound photo in years, so he can hardly be blamed. It isn’t until he recognizes the + marks, denoting the length of the fetus, that he realizes what he’s looking at. 

_ Cute, _ he texts back to Byleth.  _ Whose baby? _

It’s only a few seconds until Jeralt gets a reply.

_lol_ _mine?_

Jeralt rolls his eyes. Byleth’s always had fun tricking him into thinking she was pregnant. Getting an ultrasound photo, from a friend or from the internet?, is certainly new. 

spawn  
  
Funny. Where’d you get the photo? I don’t see a stock photo watermark.  
  
The doctor gave it to me. You know. After putting jelly on my tummy to look at the baby.  
  


He goes back to the photo to look at it. He zooms in on the picture and tries to find the lie. A missing pixel, a wonky photoshop error. Then he sees it, up in the corner of the picture. The name of the patient is wrong: EISNER, BYLETH. 

No, wait. That’s definitely his daughter’s name. He knows because he told Sitri that just because she shared a name with a demon didn’t mean she could be funny and name their daughter after a demon. And also Eisner is his last name. 

spawn  
  
Funny. Where’d you get the photo? I don’t see a stock photo watermark.  
  
The doctor gave it to me. You know. After putting jelly on my tummy to look at the baby.  
  
Since when have you been pregnant?  
  
Since July, Dad. Since two weeks ago when I told you I was pregnant.   
  


He tries to think back to two weeks ago. Shit, he doesn’t even remember two days ago. Okay, that’s not strictly true. He definitely does, but not every detail. Now that he thinks about it, he does remember talking with Byleth on the phone. It was their regular Sunday phone calls. They talked about a lot of stuff. Whether Jeralt could make it to any of Flayn’s games this year, if Byleth was finally going to move in with Seteth, but a baby?

Well... she did mention, towards the end...

spawn  
  
The doctor gave it to me. You know. After putting jelly on my tummy to look at the baby.  
  
Since when have you been pregnant?  
  
Since July, Dad. Since two weeks ago when I told you I was pregnant.   
  
I thought you were joking. You always joke about that shit.   
  
Lol not this time old man. Ur gonna be a papaw!!!!! Congrats  
  


Jeralt puts his phone down and looks up, at his dumb popcorn ceiling. What did he do to deserve this? 

He smiles, to himself. It’s not that bad, he thinks. Seteth is a good kid. This is definitely unexpected, but he trusts his daughter to make it work. And, dammit, he’s really excited to be a papaw. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, find me on twitter @nanatee_fanatee!


End file.
